I’m Sorry

Why I Stopped Blogging + Everything Else

Sometimes you need to take a step back and re-evaluate

6 years ago, when I first launched this website, I never imagined it would ever end up being my full time job, let alone my source of income. I was this geeky girl who had just discovered the magical and colorful world of fashion and decided I had a thing or two to say about it and express my new found love.

 Back in 2009, Dubai was not the ‘Middle East’s fashion capital’ it is today. No one knew what a blog was. Heck, no one knew much about fashion and neither did I. I just knew that this was something I had to be a part of.

Fast forward to 2015 and here I am being a part of an industry I’ve yearned to be a part of 6 years ago. But is it what I had imagined it would be like? No. Am I still interested in being a part of it? I am not sure anymore.

The past couple of years has been a whirlwind of amazing highs and pretty crappy lows. I moved back home to Dubai in 2013 after completing my Master’s degree in London and everything just exploded. I was actually looking for a full time job when requests for projects with big brands started to flood in. I was spending more time blogging than I was applying for a job. Then in 2014 I won the Grazia Style Awards for Best Blogger and BAM, I was now a full time/successful blogger.

But all of this came with a price. Yes, it is great that I get to collaborate with some amazing luxury brands that I have always admired such as Cartier, Dior and Jaeger-LeCoultre but it has been tough trying to balance all the work and meet project deadlines. I have forgotten what a full night’s sleep feels like. I yearn for the days when I could just relax with friends and family without worrying about a deadline or whether or not I have enough posts up on social media for that day (you know thats a struggle).

All that stress has elevated my blood pressure to unhealthy heights. I have stopped caring for  my health because it interfered with my project deadlines. This was probably the worst thing I did since this whole Summer I have been in and out of hospital, had somewhere around 100 x-rays, sonograms and needles in me, on me and over me. This has all ended up in me having to have surgery that I still haven’t had a chance to pencil it in (talk about priorities).

Anyone that knows me knows I am very critical of myself and my work. I make sure that whatever I do, I do it in the best form possible. I am somewhat of a perfectionist and that has hindered me many a times. I work very hard when it comes to my work. An instagram picture that on average would take 2 minutes to take and upload takes me a good hour. I need to make sure everything is right in the picture from the composition to lighting to overall quality. That falls under everything I do, especially for a blog. So when I am being placed on projects with people that are clearly ‘blogging’ for the superficial reasons (to be famous or for free stuff), it irks me to the core. It is hard not to be offended as it is an insult to my work and my business/brand. I am not a ‘blogger’ or ‘fashion/online influencer’ that uploads sexy/pouty selfies and charged an arm and leg for it. I have worked hard to get to where I am and I have put my blood and sweat into my work (sleepless night and no weekends). What you see on social media is a fraction of what really happens behind the scenes.

 I just needed to disconnect & re-evaluate everything

Then there are the friends I have met through this blogging journey. People who I do not consider industry acquaintances but rather close friends whom I would over and beyond for them and their needs. As good friends should. The people I consider my best friends. Or so I thought. It is a shame that friendships made in this industry has turned to enemies gained because people compete with one another. To be honest, I still have no idea what happened and what the reasoning was for them to throw away a close friendship like that but it is what it is and I have spent the last year trying to move on from it.

These are just a few aspects as to why I stopped blogging this Summer. I was just over everything; Over the unnecessary drama, cattiness and unappreciative people. I just needed to disconnect and re-evaluate everything. I’m actually glad I did because I realized I stopped being myself. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore and I was starting to hate it because it wasn’t me. I was agreeing to things that I wasn’t 100% into and felt forced to post. My content was starting to bore me and it started to feel pointless. That is something I promised I would never do.

So here I am, being me. I am not going to stop blogging just yet but I am damn sure I will be doing it right this time.

Let me know your thoughts and feedback as I would love to know what you think. Tweet me or Instagram me on @ZahraLyla.

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